the death of my ego...
The Death of My Ego…
The day before my 30th Birthday I was in Baja California Sur, Mexico at a surf point called Shipwrecks.
My Best-Friend Laura and her boyfriend Keith were camping in the arroyo (desert) for 6 months. Keith is a surfer and loves to travel to surf points around the world. They flew me out to visit them.
Laura and I were swimming in the ocean near the Shipwrecks break where Keith was surfing.
We were in the part where swimmers went and I encouraged her to go out past the wave breaks. We must have been out there for 15 min. and we both felt an energetic shift and looked at each other and said, “Let’s swim back in.”
A big wave set came and I told her to make sure to catch this first wave. I did but she didn’t and kept going out further to sea.
We were stuck in a Rip Tide and a Swell. We didn’t know at the time.
There were huge waves that were crashing down on me. The waves held me down under water with such force that when I struggled it was impossible to free myself from its grip.
I told myself to not panic.
Luckily I am a yoga teacher and used my knowledge of Pranayamas to utilize my best breath which ultimately saved my life.
I would let the wave hold me down, and I would surrender and let the “washing machine” move my body around like a rag doll. I knew I had to conserve my energy.
Then, when I felt it let up, I would take all my strength to rise to the surface and take the largest inhale. I had like 3-5 seconds and then the wave was crashing me down again. This went on for what felt like 15min. I have no idea really how long this all happened for.
I didn’t know how much longer it was gonna last and all I could think was I can’t do this much longer. I was exhausted and was coming to terms with this is the end for me. I made peace with it and decided to take my last breath. There was a feeling of complete peace that came over me.
Then, a thought came in my mind. “What about Laura?” I knew in that moment I needed to live to help her out. It was no longer about me.
I took another big inhale and saw 2 guys standing about 20 feet away looking at me. I did not notice them before. It was like they appeared out of thin air. They were so close but yet it felt like miles away.
My ego was still in denial that I needed help and I was embarrassed to ask for it. But I called for “help!” And they were grabbing me in a matter of what felt like seconds later. They asked, “Are you ok?” I said, “Yes, but go get my friend.” I saw them look at Laura out at sea behind me and the one guy said, “I’ll grab my surfboard.” He left and saved Laura.
The other guy stayed with me and helped me through a few more wave crashes and got me safely to shore. I had lost muscle control and was like Jello.
I collapsed on the ground and kissed the Earth. It took me about ten minutes of laying on the ground before I could move. Laura collapsed along side of me and we held each other’s hands. She kissed the Earth too.
Two other women had to be rescued shortly after we were. And we were told we got caught in a Rip Tide and Swell. People were telling us to swim laterally when that happens. But what they don’t understand is Laura was going out to sea and I was stuck in the crashing of the swell. I could only move a foot left or right. The water had a hold of me.
Last night I met a lifeguard. I told him this story and he said I had a “Level 1 drowning.”
He said there are many levels to drowning from loss of muscle control to fluid in the lungs. He said, “Your story is amazing and I can’t believe I am here talking to you! He said most people don’t survive. It’s amazing to hear your experience and hear about the different levels from someone who’s experienced it.” He said he has saved a lot of lives and I guess some he couldn’t.
That conversation validated my experience. It made me realize the depth of what I did survive and how amazing it is that I am here! How lucky I am that I didn’t panic, I surrendered to the waves to save my energy, I used my yogic breath and let my ego go and asked for help so that Laura and I could be saved.